Tuesday, June 7, 2016

MOM BULLY - have you ever come across them?

Hi Friends, welcome to my blog :)

Yes, from the title you know what i am going to discuss about! I recently had the misfortune to deal with a Mom Bully (Yes!!)  and the encounters i had with her inspired this who are these Mom bullies - any guesses?

We generally associate bullying with school  and college stuff and we imagine of it as kids or adults screaming and yelling at each other..But i guess, a cold attitude and being mean and calculative towards your fellow mates also qualifies for bullying. So here i am talking about the moms who (sometimes unintentionally) falls in the latter category.

Its that 'MOM' here who thinks she rules over everything! She is very nasty and mean and if you do not follow her so called rules, then you better watch out..YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!!! so how do you identify these moms (so should i call them species here!) and tackle them ("karate moves" anyone? :))
Honestly, I am no expert in this and in my few years in to knowing other moms, i had come across various personalities of moms but this was my first encounter and i was totally taken aback!

I guess every mom encounters these species at places associated with kids like school, daycare, school gatherings etc.. You can choose to avoid,  ignore or stay away from them but they are definitely there.. so how do you save yourself when you come across one!


You may be visiting your kids school mostly during open-houses if your are working mom like me or on daily pick up and drop trips and you will have definitely encountered this - she is the one who is often loud in the conversations, bragging about how she volunteers so much for the school and knows every thing and how all teachers are her friends (indirectly hinting, she can create trouble for your kid if you are not in compliance with her), basically to the point of being totally irritating. Specially more evident when you are having some conversation with your kids teacher and this MOM does not have any remorse or regret about placing herself right in front of you and cutting in to your conversation. WTF!  You don't know what to do and you are steaming mad at her and feel like pummel her head with something but cant coz you have to behave like a decent parent in front of all, so you smile and step back. So you just became a victim of Mom bullying!

In my case, i was extended an invite to be a part of school mom whats-app group - a great idea for mom from various backgrounds to get connected to each young moms like me were pretty excited (definitely) to introduce each other and this is where the bully chips in -- citing the rules and regulations and all that blah blah about what should and what should not be done (without her permission). I am sure, many moms like me were pretty scared to even wish each other and just read the posts the bully feels like sharing - so here i guess, the main quality for the bully is to lounge around the school and catch up with other parents, plan to form a  social group and expand under control - Well, does sound good till now and very creative..... But as soon as moms start interacting with each other over their choice of topics, the insecurities of the bully seeps in..

If you so you 'hi' anybody, 'wish' anybody on birthday, its a SIN! yes guys its a SIN!!! coz it does not meet her criteria of etiquette's !!! Mom Bully goes a step ahead and probably enjoys a sadistic fulfillment from giving the rebel moms an earful for other moms also to see and follow!!

So what makes other moms stay with this bully - its peer pressure, fear of being isolated from the other moms, probably these little insecurities of not being perfect parent and trying to stick to the bully group is the only way they can know everything going around and make theirs kids perfect! Yes, sure may be! Some probably are immune to the bullying and they don't realize this and used to being dominated (its not strange for Indian woman being dominated around accepted as a part of the culture). And the bully totally feeds on these little insecurities of Moms.


In my opinion, its totally worthless getting all worked up as i understand the bully feed on drama and the insecurities of other moms can do nothing but feel sad about them and definitely do not want such negativity around you or your kids. Getting in to a verbal fight is the last thing you want as this will only make them more aggressive and you being sensible enough quietly withdraw..

Another way to deal is to own your own parenting - have a talk with teachers frequently, try to be around other sensible and nice moms willing to help. Teach your kids which attitudes are acceptable and how to tackle a bully when he too encounters any. Lastly accept, Parents need not be perfect! its OKAY if there are some goof ups in your parenting skills or you miss out on some kids school information, understand they are kids after all and let us not any bully rule you over and misguide you to stress yourself and your kids .

Guys, i would really like to hear if you have come across such Mom bullies and how did you handle them? Do you rebel or comply?? i would appreciate your valuable feedback !

Monday, May 23, 2016

My blog pictures are missing!

Hi friends, Thank you for visiting my blog!

If you are trying to read my old blogs, you will be seeing no pictures and replaced with a triangular minus sign. I don't know whats wrong or what changes have taken place recently in the blog but i am not able to retrieve these pictures..

I tried to check in to various forums for help and answers and just seem to understand that change to the Picassa settings have caused the pictures to disappear. I had my albums loaded on to picassa for long term storage but now i am left with no old pictures. Only saviors now is the Facebook pictures i have in store,

I do not want to delete my old blogs as they are my memories to the days so i will try to find the pictures wherever possible and try to edit the blogs and replace with fresh pictures. Let me see if this works or else i will have to re-post/re-publish the blogs again..

Sorry for the inconvenience you have to face! I will keep them updating regularly ! Do come back for more.. 

How to spend more quality time and bonding with Family

Hi Friends, Welcome to my blog!

Its been so long i was away from here ....i have always wanted to take time out and write something....some time out from slobbing finally making it :)

First, i want to thank HIM for giving me a blessed family!

As you all know, i am a working mom, infact we are working parents to our now 8 years (soon to be 9 year old son). Work life in India is not so flexible and can get too stressful and hectic at times.

I am (like many other working parents, am sure) always feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my kid from our 5 days a week  9 to 5 job and whatever free time we have in hand on weekends just somehow flies away .... somewhere in the middle of the week we feel the same guilt again about not spending time with kids and assuring the coming weekend we will do...This cycle seems never ending..

I have already changed few jobs from my last blog just in search of that extra time i may find with my family zeroing on options closer to my home thereby reducing travel time specially the phase from age 4 to age 8 now which was when i moved to being a nuclear family..

My son is now 8 and all grown up and does not require as much attention as earlier years but still i look for that perfect quality time i can bond with him in his growing years. So to keep me motivated i read, browse many self help, family articles and other mommy blogs and just love their inputs and some way or other they help every mom take their suggestions and mould it in her own way to suit her family.. I also wanted to share my tips if this can help anyone and although  i am not a perfectionist and still looking or some more tips to always improve on..but these are definitely working for me.

Here are some of the most important little things i follow and continue to follow:

1) Ask for Help!

First and most important  -  this may also mean to some to employ a full time maid (we are in India, we are lucky, we don't have to pay a bomb to hire.. any middle class Indian can afford a maid and for various of activities). Since i am off -maid for now (long story ) and my son is very happy with his buddies in day care which leaves me the option of asking help from his Day Care teachers! My son is been in daycare since he was barely a year old, so this helped as well..

So yes, pl approach and ask for help but from one you can trust.. I frequently approach his day care teachers for helping complete his Home assignments when i know will be late from work. Or if i have to rush in morning and no time for cleaning and tidying him up for the school, his day care teacher is kind enough to handle this. I must say,  i sometime just have to pick him up from bead and directly put him in the car while he is still sleeping.. that definitely cuts down my morning rush stress.. (yes, i can avoid if am an early waker- but sometimes..ok..most often, i do sleep late, i am just not an early waker..i am working on it :) ).

Wondering how this will maximize my quality time - well its simple! rushing to office early on time means leaving on time :)

2) MOMMY - SON TIME  during commute to and from home and Daycare

Its a hardly 10 mins drive but i intentionally take the longer route and even a halt for some snack grabbing on the go just to talk to my son about his day at the school and daycare.. however exhausted i am, this this totally de-stresses me plus my kid is relaxed in the car seat - no gaming consoles in hand so he's attentive as well as talking  about whats during the day. i have observed, the most crucial and important conversation which has happened, is during this time..

I am not a strict religious or spiritual follower nor i have been forceful about it on my son but i make sure, i tell him something about superior almighty GOD and his miracles and how HE is with us and watching over us..I have my kid undivided attention to this and  he started asking me questions so i can make out he is curious about to know more about our old religious stories..

3) Hugs and Kisses and lots of Hugs and Kisses.

Morning hug, leaving at at daycare goodbye hug, coming back to pick up hug, sleeping hug and many hugs in between ... enough to let him know, we love him a lot and he matters to us!

I also like to surprise him sometimes by putting lil notes in his school snack box especially when there are his tests and he feels a little nervous (so young still feels the pressure!), i draw a smiley face and scribble 'All the best' 'Mama loves u' 'No Problem' etc on the Tissue napkin and place in the snack box ..when we meet in evening, i do enquire if he got my lil message and and he says he likes it and his friends read them as well...

4) Opinion matters!

Involve him and listen to his choices and opinions.. I may have my menu charted for the school snacks box and dinner.. but it does not have to be a hard fast 'We are going to eat only what mommy has written ' rule..

if he has had something heavy at daycare or we had some snacks on way, then i make sure i don't cook heavy and check with him if he prefers a lighter alternative which also gives me a lot of free time. rather than cooking long Indian recipes (which i have already tweaked to reduce time, thanks to Jamie Oliver 15 minute meals and my all time fav Nigella lawson).

I also check with him if he would like something different in his snack box during our way home the previous day and then he has his stories to tell how his friends like what i had given earlier and how they ask him to repeat... Its just so fascinating to hear him talk about his and his friends lil talks.

Sometimes when i am late back, i prefer a take away rather than rushing in to the kitchen exhausted. i make sure, i order from restaurants i trust the quality of food. since mostly its India non-veg like tandoori, tikkas and fresh they are not loaded with the harmful preservatives or anything unhealthy.. If i wanna cut cost, i may simply make rice and order only curries.. So i just wanna tell mommies, its OK to have a take-aways and no need to feel guilty,

5) Buying time

Most important for all mommies here reading this.. I came across this when i was reading some article on may be how to save money..i don't remember the article but this phrase has stuck to me...The most important investment i can do is on time..I buy time..

I was doing this from long by some ways but never knew this had a name to it.. I am a total hater of going grocery shopping, be it market where there is too much of crowd or the shopping mall where there are long queues. i never had the patience and always felt as a waste of time.. and then the phase of online grocery shopping sites and app was like a prayer was answered :)

So i order my planned weekly and even emergency groceries online (kudos to their 3 hr delivery service options available) more parking hassles and fees..just sit besides your kid and shop on your app.

Many women may feel, i am wasting money, its snobbish, or the price is too high on app sites so they prefer going to the market and fetching their veggies.. But trust me guys, the price is hardly ..hardly any difference...Yes probably there may be a further discounts not displayed on app sites, but i will prefer to utilize that time spending at home or out with family and passing that extra saving i may get......for me a couple of rupees extra spending to be with my family is worth it, so why not if i can afford it. So i suggest, order cut veggies sometimes, pass that buy 1 get 1 offer, buy your time if you can afford..Don't waste your time hunting deals..  its not worth..

These are above some tips i wanted to share wit you, i follow to maximize my time with family. These are the ones i follow because they totally suit my current lifestyle, some of these tips may help you, some may not and you may have your own. so i would really love to listen from you guys! Let me know your tips and if you have any more suggestions for me let me know...

Thank you for reading ! Do visit back for more..

Enjoy a happy family time! :)