Hi Friends, welcome to my blog :)
Yes, from the title you know what i am going to discuss about! I recently had the misfortune to deal with a Mom Bully (Yes!!) and the encounters i had with her inspired this post..so who are these Mom bullies - any guesses?
We generally associate bullying with school and college stuff and we imagine of it as kids or adults screaming and yelling at each other..But i guess, a cold attitude and being mean and calculative towards your fellow mates also qualifies for bullying. So here i am talking about the moms who (sometimes unintentionally) falls in the latter category.
Its that 'MOM' here who thinks she rules over everything! She is very nasty and mean and if you do not follow her so called rules, then you better watch out..YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!!! so how do you identify these moms (so should i call them species here!) and tackle them ("karate moves" anyone? :))
Honestly, I am no expert in this and in my few years in to knowing other moms, i had come across various personalities of moms but this was my first encounter and i was totally taken aback!
I guess every mom encounters these species at places associated with kids like school, daycare, school gatherings etc.. You can choose to avoid, ignore or stay away from them but they are definitely there.. so how do you save yourself when you come across one!
MOM BULLY SPOTTING!!
You may be visiting your kids school mostly during open-houses if your are working mom like me or on daily pick up and drop trips and you will have definitely encountered this - she is the one who is often loud in the conversations, bragging about how she volunteers so much for the school and knows every thing and how all teachers are her friends (indirectly hinting, she can create trouble for your kid if you are not in compliance with her), basically to the point of being totally irritating. Specially more evident when you are having some conversation with your kids teacher and this MOM does not have any remorse or regret about placing herself right in front of you and cutting in to your conversation. WTF! You don't know what to do and you are steaming mad at her and feel like pummel her head with something but cant coz you have to behave like a decent parent in front of all, so you smile and step back. So you just became a victim of Mom bullying!
In my case, i was extended an invite to be a part of school mom whats-app group - a great idea for mom from various backgrounds to get connected to each other..so young moms like me were pretty excited (definitely) to introduce each other and this is where the bully chips in -- citing the rules and regulations and all that blah blah about what should and what should not be done (without her permission). I am sure, many moms like me were pretty scared to even wish each other and just read the posts the bully feels like sharing - so here i guess, the main quality for the bully is to lounge around the school and catch up with other parents, plan to form a social group and expand under control - Well, does sound good till now and very creative..... But as soon as moms start interacting with each other over their choice of topics, the insecurities of the bully seeps in..
If you so you 'hi' anybody, 'wish' anybody on birthday, its a SIN! yes guys its a SIN!!! coz it does not meet her criteria of etiquette's !!! Mom Bully goes a step ahead and probably enjoys a sadistic fulfillment from giving the rebel moms an earful for other moms also to see and follow!!
So what makes other moms stay with this bully - its peer pressure, fear of being isolated from the other moms, probably these little insecurities of not being perfect parent and trying to stick to the bully group is the only way they can know everything going around and make theirs kids perfect! Yes, sure may be! Some probably are immune to the bullying and they don't realize this and used to being dominated (its not strange for Indian woman being dominated around accepted as a part of the culture). And the bully totally feeds on these little insecurities of Moms.
I CAME ACROSS A BULLY-WHAT DO I DO NOW?
In my opinion, its totally worthless getting all worked up as i understand the bully feed on drama and the insecurities of other moms ..you can do nothing but feel sad about them and definitely do not want such negativity around you or your kids. Getting in to a verbal fight is the last thing you want as this will only make them more aggressive and you being sensible enough quietly withdraw..
Another way to deal is to own your own parenting - have a talk with teachers frequently, try to be around other sensible and nice moms willing to help. Teach your kids which attitudes are acceptable and how to tackle a bully when he too encounters any. Lastly accept, Parents need not be perfect! its OKAY if there are some goof ups in your parenting skills or you miss out on some kids school information, understand they are kids after all and let us not any bully rule you over and misguide you to stress yourself and your kids .
Guys, i would really like to hear if you have come across such Mom bullies and how did you handle them? Do you rebel or comply?? i would appreciate your valuable feedback !